Shortly after I got married, my father advised me to never go to bed angry toward my partner, and to try to work it out so there was no animosity. This was great wisdom coming from a guy who had been married twice.
I often wonder about anger and why we choose to hold on to its negativity. When we take a closer look at why we hold onto anger it’s as if we expect our anger to hurt the other person. But in truth all anger does is hurt us, and in the long run, our relationships.
Anger is a funny thing because we can easily justify our behavior. “I’m angry for X.Y.Z. reasons.” What we fail to realize is our anger does not help any situation. It may only make it worst. When we justify our anger we add fuel to the fire of our anger. Where does that take us?
One of the things I have learned while on my spiritual journey, is that anger is a low level emotion. It carries with it low energy, and prevents us from seeing the truth, a person’s point of view, or a resolution to a situation.
Yet anger can also be a sign showing us when we have become disconnected from our inner truth. Imagine anger as a stop sign preventing us from going any further until we resolve the situation. Here we are forced to come to a solution before we can proceed. In this way “Don’t go to bed angry” is sound advice.
Anger can also be a teacher, asking the question “What is the root of your anger?” Again we are held in place until we find, and then heal the root cause of our anger. If we become angry with something someone has said, why are we angry? Did their words offend our ego?
The reason I bring up ego, is because it is the ego that is easily offended. Our true self is eternal love, and love sees the love in others and never lowers itself with the negativity of anger.
Often when I become angry I stop to find the root cause. When I take the time to see why I am angry I begin to chuckle because it is my ego that is angry, not my true self. One thing I have realized is the ego has very little patience when it comes to taking the time to understand those who cause us to be angry. Our true self is filled with love, kindness and understanding and knows nothing of anger.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of anger, but when we connect with the love of our true self, we no longer see anger as a viable solution for anything. If for some reason we cannot talk through the situation we may have to find better words to express ourselves.
I am not saying I’m immune from anger. I’m saying that when I recognize the first hints of this negative emotion, I do what I can to move away from the negativity toward a more loving state of consciousness.
One of the foundations of my father’s advice is knowing that others are doing the best they can given their life experiences. That’s the crazy thing about life, each of us comes from different experiences, and because of this, we’ll make choices based on these experiences. So rather than become angry, it may be best to try to understand others in a heartfelt, and meaningful way.
Anger is an easy emotion. It requires little, to no thought or understanding, it’s often close to the surface because of past unhealed trauma, and it can be passed down through generations without question.
Love is a bit more challenging because it only asks us to forgive ourselves, and those with whom we are angry. We may have to forgive ourselves for not having a complete understanding of the situation before we became angry. We may also have to forgive our partner for any misunderstanding they may have experienced.
The advice of not going to bed angry is founded on love, compassion, and forgiveness. Even if someone outside your relationships has angered you, take my dad’s advice, don’t go to bed angry, forgive, and let it go.
Can we learn to communicate in a way that prevents us from going to bed angry?
Let me know what you think. Leave a question or comment below, I’m always open to exploring the subject further.
Each week I email an article to those who have subscribed to my weekly. This week I wrote about haters. Here is an excerpt.
When we judge others or hate their success, we do so as a way to boost our self-esteem. Is it because we are afraid to step into the unknown to realize our true self? There is a reason haters behave as they do. Could it be they fear being left behind by our drive to live a healthier life?
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In the April issue of Conscious Shift Magazine you will find my article,
“Higher Perspective” Can we shift our preceptive of our world for a healthier outlook?
Click the link to read more.
Check out Conscious Shift Magazine, a great resource for guidance and inspiration.
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Recently I was a guest on a podcast hosted by Travis Gray. Travis is working on his PhD in transpersonal psychology. We had an engaging conversation talking about how we are taught to change who we are as a way to please others, as well as loving ourselves enough to trust our intuition.
If you are interested in watching the YouTube video, click on the link.
If you would like to listen to the podcast on Spotify check out, Gray Transforms.
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Peace and Well-Being, Paul
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