The Desire to be Liked by Others

  The desire to be liked by others. What is wrong with that, don't all people want to be liked by those around them? The desire to be liked by others can be a very powerful desire, a need so strong that it can cause a person to change their behavior to please those around them. Think for a moment when you were a child and your parents were upset with you. Through this realization, to make them pleased with you, you changed your behavior so they would not be upset with you. The situation may not have changed but you changed your behavior to ease the discomfort that you and your parents were feeling. Though this change in your behavior can make your life easier, you have denied experiencing who you truly are. Through the desire to please those around you, you have changed from who you are, to someone that pleases others with a disregard for your own inner truth.
  Yes, all people want to be liked and loved by those around them, but when the desire is so powerful that they will change who they are to please others, this is where this behavior can become self destructive. It is important to realize that this behavior is learned at a very young age, also it can be taught to those around us. As we have explained, this behavior is geared to making others happy with your behavior. It is also important to realize that this behavior is an act of self sacrifice, sacrificing your desires so that those around you will approve of your behavior. What makes this way of life self destructive is that there is never time to journey within to examine what truly makes you happy. What are your true desires? A question to ask yourself would be, "if I didn't have to please them or worry about their reaction to my behavior, what would I do differently?" Would you eat better food, would you go for an evening walk, would you quit your job and move to a different location? There are many avenues in your life that may not be explored through a desire to please those in your life experience. Through this behavior there is little attention to who you are and what makes you truly happy. Many times this question will go unasked as the desire to please others grows throughout your life.
  This desire can also turn negative. If those around you are speaking and acting in a negative way and your desire is to be approved by them, you may begin to behave in ways that are not who you truly are, yet you do so for their approval. Thus you get trapped by the desire to be liked by those around you, even though this behavior does not make you pleased with yourself.
 Yes, this conversation is about being liked by those around you, but in truth, this conversation is rooted in self love. When the intention is to please others, experiencing your self love will allow you to move past this self destructive behavior and move to a place where your love for yourself will be the way in which you experience your life. Through the power of your self love you will not need the approval of others to maintain your self worth or your value to others. Through this love, you will not have the need to change who you are, or your behavior, to please those around you. Your self love will be the way in which you experience yourself and the world around you.


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