Why Can't We Ask for Help
I remember a time when I was struggling with the circumstances in my life. As I look back, I can see where I felt that I should be able to solve the situation by myself, without the help of others. All this behavior did for me was cause more and more discomfort within me. Why didn't I ask for help, and why did I feel I had to handle the problem alone? Time has passed, and I am now in a much better place emotionally. I thought this may be a good conversation to have with my Inner Voice and share with other people.
My questions will be in italics and the answers from my Inner Voice will be in normal print.
Why do people feel that they cannot ask for help when they truly need it?
Many people do not want to appear weak in the eyes of those around them. Though their burden can be quite troubling for them, their need to appear strong can overpower their desire to ask for help and come to a resolution. Also, they may not want to bother those around them with their problem, thinking that others have their own issues to deal with.
For me, the reasons were what you mentioned along with the idea that others would think my problems were insignificant and that I should just get over it. With this belief I kept to myself.
The basis of this behavior comes from not wanting those around you to see you as weak or unable to handle what life has placed before you. The desire to be liked and accepted by others can keep a person from asking for the help they truly need.
Are you saying that my desire to be liked by those around me kept me from reaching out for the help that I needed?
Yes, many people have a low opinion of themselves, because of this they have a persona that appears strong and can withstand any adversity. Asking for help would cause their persona to crumble, allowing those in their life to see them for who they truly are, who they are keeping from others.
By not asking for help I am hiding behind a persona that I have created to protect myself?
It must be realized that you have been creating this persona for many, many years. From the time of your childhood days you and many other people have been creating a persona to protect them from the hardships of life. This persona has a very durable foundation, because it has been strengthened by the ego, which will do whatever it takes to appear strong in the face of adversity. Asking for help would require a person to challenge the ego which often times causes more pain and discomfort, thus adding to the uncertainty within.
My ego prevents me from asking for help when I could really use help?
The ego is created as a shield to protect a person from their true self. Let us explain. At the core of the human experience is love, kindness and compassion. Often times when these loving emotions are exposed to the world there can be a negative backlash from society. Because of this backlash, the ego is created as a way to handle the hardships of life. A persons life becomes lived through the persona of their ego, not lived through who they truly are, which is love, kindness and compassion. We would consider a persons truth, love, kindness and compassion, this is their inner truth. When a person seeks help their inner truth is seeking help, it is their ego that prevents them from asking for help.
I have experienced some self abuse when I was searching for solutions to my problem. Hearing that nagging voice telling me that I should be able to handle the situation, or solve the problem, even to man up and deal with it. This conflict comes from my ego and not my true self?
Your true self only speaks through its love for you, any negative words heard within your mind, which is called negative self talk comes from the ego. This self abusive behavior comes from the desire to please the ego, with the hope of stopping the negative self talk. What few people realize is that the ego thrives on negative self talk, attempting to convince the person they, could be doing better, or should just handle the problem.
It can be very challenging to quiet the ego and follow the guidance from my inner truth.
Silencing the ego will allow you to become acquainted with hearing the voice of your inner truth, then from this powerful place, experiencing your foundation of love, kindness and compassion. Once the ego has been silenced, asking for help will no longer be a burden or a hardship. The reason for this is because you will no longer need to hide behind a persona as a way to protect yourself. You will now be protected by your inner truth, which as we have said is love, kindness and compassion.
Copyright Paul Hudon 2018