Love and Self-Sacrifice

 It is the day before Valentine Day, a day to share our love with that someone special. But what about ourselves? Do we take the time to treat ourselves with respect and love? And how often do we say no when we know that saying yes will cause discomfort within us? I asked these questions for my well-being and I thought that a conversation with my Inner Voice would be a good way to gain a better understanding.
 My questions will be in italics and the answers from my Inner voice will be in normal print.

  Is there anything wrong with showing those around us love on Valentines Day?
 No, there is nothing wrong with showing those around you love no matter what day it is. The issue begins when people sacrifice their happiness as a way to show love to someone else. Through this act of self-sacrifice this person is denying themselves their true desires. What few people realize is that resentment may begin to grow through their sacrifice. At first this resentment may not be felt, but as the act of sacrifice continues, it will be harder, and harder, to keep their resentment under control.

 Yes, but if I claim to love someone there will always be some level of sacrifice. Isn't that what love is all about?
 Our question to you would be, why do you believe that self-sacrifice is necessary for a truly loving relationship? Imagine a relationship where both people truly love themselves and accept that their happiness is their responsibility. Each individual of the relationship is responsible to maintains their inner happiness. We would also say that each person maintains their unity with their true selves. From this powerful place, neither person is asking the other to sacrifice any aspect of their life. The reason for this, is because the love that each person experiences as an individual is based on their love for themselves. There becomes no need to sacrifice, or set dreams and true desires aside to please the other person.

 You are saying that people can live through the love that they have for themselves, and not have to sacrifice for others?
 Oftentimes a person will sacrifice a part of their life to please their partner, they will sacrifice a dream or desire to focus on the dreams and desires of their partner. This is where resentment may build between them. To answer your question: yes, a person can live their life through their self-love and living their true desires, while supporting their partner with their desires without the need to sacrifice.

 Please go on.
 Many times people will ask their partner to support them in a way in which their partner cannot. When this support is not received frustration and anger may arise. What is happening here is that one person is seeking loving support that can only be found within them, yet this is unknown to them, so they are asking their partner for this support. Their partner may have to sacrifice their desires for this support. People are unaware of the tremendous love that is within them, if they were aware of this love, they would not ask their partner to maintain their sense of their own love.

 Why do we ask others to maintain our sense of love?
 The reason for this is because you are unaware of the love that is within you and because of this you are not experiencing this powerful love. In the absence of this feeling of love, you are asking your partner to fill this gap with their love for you, so that you can feel love, no matter where it comes from. A problem can arise when your partner cannot maintain their constant love for you, you feel let down emotionally by them. When you begin to accept that the love that you are asking others to supply to you can only be found within you, you release your partner of a burden that you have placed on them--the burden of maintaining your sense of love for yourself.

  Am I to guess that once I experience the love that is within me, I will no longer be asking my partner to sacrifice their love for themselves, for my happiness?
 When you begin to experience the tremendous love that is within you, you will no longer be asking anyone in your life to sacrifice, or change their behavior to maintain your happiness. Your happiness now becomes your responsibility and not that of your partner.

 How do we discover the powerful love that is within us?
 It is important to first accept that this love exists within you. Then sift through the negative self-talk that you hear in your head, learn to ignore the negative opinions that other people say about you and learn to trust the quiet loving voice that you hear within you. This voice will only speak to you through love, compassion and kindness. This voice is the voice of your inner love--the love that you have for yourself.

 When I get to a place of experiencing this voice and the love that it speaks to me, I will not haver to ask my partner to sacrifice to maintain my happiness?
 In this new self-loving place, you can now live the life that you truly desire while you are loving your partner, and allowing them to live the life they truly desire. Without either of you having to sacrifice any aspect of your lives.

  Copyright Paul Hudon 2019


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