Betraying Our Trust
I have been thinking about people that betray our trust when we open up to them. There must be a reason for their behavior, even though they must know that their behavior hurts us emotionally. With these questions and more in mind I though a conversation with my Inner Voice would add some clarity to this subject.
My questions will be in italics, and the answers from my Inner Voice will be in normal print.
The question of breaking one’s confidence, is a question rooted in a desire to be the center of attention. Their thinking is: “look at me as I share this information about …”. Their desire to be seen, heard and possibly admired, is more powerful than keeping the secret to themselves,
though it goes much deeper than that. Oftentimes the root of this behavior is a lack of self-love. They seek the approval of others even though it betrays the confidence. This shouts look at me, and love me because I have this information.
Yes, but to betray someone because there is a lack of self-love seems like a stretch.
Within all people is an endless flow of love. If they are not experiencing this love then there is a void to fill. This void is where self-worth, self-love, and self-esteem, would be found. To fill this void they seek the approval of others, they are too separated from their self-love thus creating the void.
A person that is living life through their truth—their self-love—does not need to behave this way. Their self-worth, and self-esteem are the foundation of their true identity, and they live life through their self-confidence. It must be understood that this is not an ego driven love, or confidence. A truly confident person sees no need in betraying the vulnerability of another. They are aware of their self-love, and they live life through this love.
It seems that this behavior is very prevalent in our society. Is this all because of a lack of self-love?
Living life this way is seeking admiration from the outside world—the approval of others—and not the approval of themselves. There is a separation between what makes this person feel truly loved, and what will make a person feel better about themselves for the next few minutes. In a way this is a drug, the spotlight can be addicting. Again shouting: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Without regard for what this person truly looks like, to those around them.
Are you saying that this desire to be in the spotlight, exposing the vulnerabilities of others, is all about perception. They perceive themselves to be loved and admired, behaving this way, but they are not?
If a person believes that they are loved and admired by many for exposing the vulnerabilities of others, then they get an emotional boost from this way of life. They continue because the boost does not last that long. Again they are seeking their self-worth by betraying others. They have no love for themselves or others in this behavior. Remember, if a person perceives that they are loved because of this behavior—no matter how corrosive it may be—they will continue to behave this way, because this is how they value themselves.
This life would be a life that is all about them, and the emotional boost they get from the admiration of breaking someone’s confidence.
They have distanced themselves from their ability to experience their own self-love, and because of this they need the admiration to show themselves that they have value. Yes, their life is all about them, because they have not taken the journey to discover and understand that their true self is one of love, kindness and compassion. It must be understood that there is no love, kindness or compassion in breaking the trust of someone that is vulnerable. To behave this way is to be ruled by the ego, and the desire for attention, no matter what the cost.
Self-love does not even enter into the equation does it?
There is no knowledge of self-love, only the knowledge of boosting one’s self-worth through exposing the confidence of another.
We have had many, many conversations since I started hearing your voice, and this one is one of the most unsettling for me.
All people have an unlimited flow of love within them. Through life they have distanced themselves from this love, to fill the abyss left by this separation, they will do almost anything.
No less disturbing for me.
It doesn’t take much to see this behavior played out everyday. When people lack self-love, they lack an inner compass, they lack true stability, and they lack their ability to truly know right from wrong.
Yes, but someone must be there to be admiring their behavior. What about them?
There is the perception of admiration, they believe that others value their behavior, and many people do. But, many people turn away after seeing this person behave this way. It must be understood that it is not only the people that expose the vulnerabilities of others that lack self-love, those that admire them also are attempting to fill a void within themselves because of their lack of knowledge regarding their own self-love, as well.
That is a lot to think about!
I'm always surprised when people knowing break our trust and confidence to use our secrets to hurt us emotionally.
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Copyright Paul Hudon 2019