I have been thinking about validation recently. How do we validate our own way of life? Or do we seek validation from those around us. Either way, seeking validation from others as a way to maintain our self-esteem can be a slippery slope.
The holiday season can be a tough time for many people, is it because we don’t receive the validation that we are seeking? With these thoughts in mind, I feel a conversation with my Inner Voice would shed some light on the subject of validation. My questions will be in italics for clarity.
The holiday season seems to be a time when many people are seeking validation from those around them. Yet, frequently this ends up backfiring on them. Why is that?
When a person seeks validation from others, oftentimes it is because they are not in a place to fully trust themselves.They are asking for validation because they want the emotional boost that positive words from others may give them. What if positive words are not spoken? What happens when the emotional boost they expect doesn’t come through? This is when people struggle during this time of year.
To seek validation from others is to expose yourself to the behavior of others. If they speak well of your effort, your self-worth soars. If not, your world may come crashing down. It must be understood that seeking validation from another person is an attempt to fill a void within oneself. The hope is that their kind words will elevate one’s opinion of oneself.
Few people would admit that there is a void within then that needs to be filled though validation.
The idea that there is a void within people that needs to be filled by a positive comment from others may challenge many, this is true. The best way to know if this is a pattern in your life is to examine the motives behind your behavior. Is there a reason for your need for validation? What happens to you emotionally when you do not receive the compliment you were seeking? The answers to these questions will help you determine if you are seeking validation as a way to boost your self-worth.
You have spoken of a void within us that needs to be filled? Would you explain this?
Deep within all people is an endless, eternal flow of love. This love is the foundation of all of creation. Yet, in the lives of many this love is unknown. One reason for this may be because they have not been taught to seek this love first, before they seek validation from those around them. Because of this behavior, seeking validation from others becomes a struggle between the love that is within them, and the opinions they receive from others.
We may not know of this tremendous love. What then?
This is where the struggle takes place. This powerful love is always flowing, at a deep level of your consciousness. Your true self knows of this love, yet the person reading this may not. The struggle is between seeking validation to make yourself feel worthy, and this love that needs no validation. Your deep inner love is based on the truth—your truth.
So, to seek validation from others is to fill a void within us because we have not acknowledged the love that is within us?
This is often the case. Imagine a state of consciousness where the opinions of others do not affect your emotional frame of mind. You know and accept this powerful flow of love, plus you live your life experience through this love. There becomes no need to have another person validate your self-worth through your attempt to please them. With your new awareness of this flow of love, you will validate your own existence through experiencing this love.
Yes, but we want to know if the people around us approve of us. What then?
What happens on the day they don’t approve of you? Are you strong enough to maintain your awareness of the flow of love? Or do you crumble under the pressure of trying to change who you are so they will be pleased with you again. The approval of others will only take you so far. It will not carry you as far as the constant flow of love that is within you.
Remember, seeking validation from those around you will set you up for disappointment, as only you know your true value. When you discover the love that is within you, you will no longer need the boost to your emotions that can come from the validation of others. You will know your true worth, you will know your true self, and you will know of the love that is within you. There will be strength in this awareness and you will know that no matter what other people say—good or bad—you are worthy of love. You will no longer need the validation of others as a way to gauge who you are as a person.
This may be a tough subject. Do we behave in a way that demands validation? Or, could we discover our inner love, that will allow us to release this need? Let me know what you think, leave a comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you want to read more of my conversations with my Inner Voice, check out my monthly articles in New Spirit Journal, newspiritjournalonline.com. Or look up, Conscious Shift Magazine consciousshiftmagazine.com.
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Thank you for reading my blog, I hope that it adds some clarity in your life.
Peace and Well-Being
Copyright Paul Hudon 2019