Handing Control to Others
How often have we caught ourselves yelling at the slow driver in front of us? For some reason we believe that our words will travel through the distance causing the other driver to suddenly drive faster. How has that worked so far?
What we fail to realize is that at the moment of our rage, we have given our inner peace over to the driver ahead of us. We are no longer in control of our well-being, they are. Why do we do this? In truth, we voluntarily give up our happiness to a person that really has nothing to do with our happiness. Yet, we blame them for our misery because of their behavior.
I would like to look further into the reasons why we behave this way, so I will seek the guidance of my Inner Voice. My questions will be in italics for clarity.
Is there a root cause to this behavior?
The root of this behavior is a desire of the ego to have its way. The ego believes that through control all will be well in the world. Yet, this can never happen because there are other people living on Earth. Each person has a desire to live life as they see fit, it is here that the ego clashes with others.
For the ego, control is the only way to live. Shouting at the slow driver, or the dog for barking, is a desire for life to be as the ego desires. Most of the time the outcome will never satisfy the ego, then anger, frustration or resentment will become the dominate emotion.
Few people are willing to accept that this behavior is indeed voluntary, meaning, people choose to hand over their peace of mind to the dog, the slow driver, or whatever gets them upset. In behaving this way, the situation now controls them. It doesn’t end with the dog, or the slow driver, anything that can get a person upset, has the power to control them.
Why do we behave this way?
The main reason is because people want others to change their behavior to please them. When you yell at the driver ahead, you are hoping that they will drive faster to please you. Until they do drive faster, you are miserable, if they do drive faster, you are happy. This way of living will never create any lasting happiness, because there will always be another slow driver, another barking dog, another rainstorm that upsets your outing. When things like this upset you, you allow it to upset you, you have given control over to the situation.
The best way to recognize this pattern within yourself, is to observe your emotional shifts. Do you have large mood swings when you are behind the slow driver? By observing the situation then recognizing your reactions, you will determine if you have allowed the situation to control you.
What can we do about this?
It must be understood that there may be nothing that you can do to make the other person behave in a way that pleases you. Yet, you can begin to accept that your inner peace is more important than handing your emotional stability to someone that drives slowly. Remember, your emotional stability is your responsibility, it is not the responsibility of the barking dog, the rain or whatever else throws you off of center.
The challenge becomes one of silencing the ego when these events occur. Ask yourself if it is worth your inner peace to move off center to yell at the slow driver? You have control over your choice, but if you just react with anger, you have lost control.
Yes, but some situations need a response. What do we do then?
A thought filled response is the authentic way to respond, not the knee-jerk reaction of shouting, or responding in anger. It makes no difference if it is the car ahead of you, the barking dog or someone sitting next to you on the plane. Your reaction to the situation will determine if you are giving up control or maintaining your honest place of true center.
What would be the most important lesson from our conversation today?
Know that you always have the ability to maintain your place of center, no matter what is going on around you. Yet when you choose—and it is a choice—to move away from your emotional stability, you have given control of your happiness over to the situation, no matter how small or petty it may appear.
This is always a powerful lesson for me, although it has taken a while for me to fully grasp its impact on my life. Yet that’s how we grow, isn’t it?
Please let me know what you think, leave a comment or a question, or email me at, email@example.comI’m always open to expanding the conversation.
If you would like to read more of my conversations with my Inner Voice check out my monthly articles in, New Spirit Journal, newspiritjournalonline.com, or Conscious Shift Magazine, consciousshiftmagazine.com.
Each week I send out a conversation with my Inner Voice to those on my subscription list. This week we discuss the noise in our lives and how we can silence this noise to recognize our true inner voice. If you are interested in receiving this weekly conversation, you will find a place to subscribe at the bottom of the page.
I would like to thank you for reading my blog. My intention is to share wisdom that will help each of us live more heart centered lives.
Peace and Well-Being.
Copyright Paul Hudon 2020