Our Happiness and the Behavior of Others


I’m always surprised how we attach our happiness to the behavior of others. The belief is that if they behave better, we will be happy. How often does that work out? Even though we cannot control the behavior of others, we want them to change who they are to please us. Then again, how often are we asked to change who we are to please someone? If changing who we are is a condition placed on our happiness, we may never be happy. But why do we ask this of others?

With these thoughts in mind a conversation with my Inner Voice may add some clarity on the subject of attaching our happiness to the behavior of others. My questions will be in italics.


Why do we attach our happiness to the behavior of others?

The belief is that if others change, life will be easier and happiness will be attained. This type of behavior is looking outside of oneself for a source of happiness that can only be found within. No person can change enough to maintain the complete happiness of another person. To ask others to do so is placing the responsibility for one’s happiness in the hands of those who are incapable of accomplishing this task.

Is this because we don’t want to be responsible for our own happiness?

It is easy to blame others when life gets disrupted by anger or frustration, this shifts responsibility away from oneself and onto others. Yet accepting responsibility for one’s true happiness is releasing others of this burden. Complete responsibility for one’s own happiness is to look in the mirror and accept all that has happened in one’s life, without placing blame on others. This is the only way to achieve true happiness.

Things happen in our lives that are out of our control. How do we reconcile this with our happiness?

You may not be able to change the events in your life, but you can control the way you react to these events. If you allow the event to upset you, you have handed your happiness over to the event. Your true happiness is one of your main priorities in this lifetime. If you remain focused and centered, then the negative events of your time, or the bad behavior of others will not impact your life in a negative way. This way you can maintain your happiness and remain centered.

Why do we look to others for our happiness?

Your true, authentic happiness will only be found within you. This happiness has a foundation rooted in self-love. Yet you must allow yourself to experience this love. There are many emotional roadblocks that prevent people from experiencing this love. Negative self-talk, and self-judgement are two of the reasons that true happiness is not often experienced in one’s life. With these powerful roadblocks hindering the progress to discover self-love, people will turn to others to feel a sense of love.

This is where your happiness becomes attached to the behavior of others. If they treat you poorly, your self-worth crashes, and you then view yourself with low self-esteem. When they accept you with kindness and love, your self-esteem skyrockets. With these examples you can see where your happiness is attached to how others treat you. Often to maintain a positive sense of self-worth  you may begin to change to please others and keep the feeling of love flowing.

Changing who you are to please others, or asking others to change who they are to please you is a conditional act. Meaning love will be shown under the condition that change is made. This is how one’s happiness is attached to the behavior of others.

How do we resolve this?

Every thought, word, or action that is not rooted in love is a thought, word, or action that should be questioned and released from your consciousness. There is no love or truth in self-judgement, or negative self-talk. As these negative emotions are shed from your awareness, self-love will begin to build in strength within you. As self-love grows, there will no longer be the need to attach your happiness to the behavior of others.


It’s all about self-love isn’t it. Let me know what you think. Leave a comment, or a question below, I’m always interested in expanding the conversation.

Each week I send a conversation with my Inner Voice to those who have subscribed to my weekly email. This week we discuss how I stay centered during challenging times. Here is an excerpt.

Every so often I fall on my face emotionally, because at times maintaining my peace of mind can be a struggle. This is where I accept that I am doing the best I can. What this does for me is to release any self-judgement that I may have. Self-judgement can be a tough burden because we feel that we should always be doing better. I don’t know about you, but I have never lived anything similar  to a year like this, so why judge ourselves as we do?

If you would like to read more, or subscribe to my weekly, scroll to the bottom of the page where you will find a box to fill in your email address.

I’m fortunate to write a monthly column for two online magazines. This month in Conscious Shift Magazine, consciousshiftmagazine.com you will fine my article titled, “Shifting Our Consciousness.” While in New Spirit Journal, newspiritjournalonline.com you can read, “Your Authentic Self.” Check out these great resources for inspiration, spirituality and enlightenment.

I hope that you and those you love are safe and healthy.

Thank you for reading this post, I appreciate your support.

Peace and Well-Being


Copyright Paul Hudon 2020




Popular Posts