Under The Bus
Why do we throw ourselves under the bus as a way to gain the approval of others? Is it because we don’t love ourselves enough, and we believe their approval of us will boost our self-worth, thereby making us feel loved? It seems crazy to think that to feel loved we sacrifice a part of who we are.
I think at times each of us may
have behaved this way, I know I have. I didn’t value myself enough to seek what
was true for me. But what’s crazy was I thought I was living a fairly good
life. It was only later when I realized I wasn’t happy that I noticed I was
seeking my happiness in the approval of someone else. One thing I learned was
they were just being who they were, I can’t blame them for my behavior, my
happiness is my responsibility, not theirs.
How do we make the transition from
throwing ourselves under the bus, to being true to ourselves? Is it possible we
can learn to love ourselves enough so we do not have to behave this way to feel
loved by others?
With these questions in mind, a conversation with my Inner Voice may add clarity to this subject. My questions will be in italics.
~~~
Why is it we throw ourselves under
the bus as a way to gain the feeling of love from others?
From an early age, people have been
taught to seek the approval of others as a way to build self-worth. This will shift
focus away from learning to trust and love oneself. Oftentimes a sacrifice is a
measure of one’s love for others. Yet to sacrifice a part of who a person truly
is, is not an act of self-love. There is an expectation of a reward for the
sacrifice. The reward may be the feeling of approval from others. This may not
be enough to cause a person to love themselves. When this happens they will
attempt another sacrifice with the hope of gaining the love they seek from
others.
True self-love does not need to
sacrifice any aspect of one’s life to feel accepted by others. Rather than
sacrifice any aspect of one’s life, imagine acting out of love instead of an
expected reward. To truly love oneself is a reward in itself. The love, and
approval they are seeking from others will be found within themselves, and
there is no need to throw oneself under the bus.
I know from my own experience, that
no matter how many times I ended up under the bus, the other person did not
love, or accept me, any more than before I sacrificed myself. Why is that?
You were asking them to behave in a
way that pleased you. You thought that if you sacrificed one more time, they
would change their attitude toward you and accept you. Yet you did not realize
that this issue was more about you, than them. You behaved this way to gain a
feeling of love within yourself. No other person can love, or accept you, as
you can for yourself.
In asking others to approve, or
show love to you, you were asking them to validate your life experience. The
reason for your behavior, was because you were not validating your own life
experience, you were leaving it up to others. This is a responsibility other
people do not want, because they are doing what they can to validate their own
life experience.
I think the people we are seeking
approval and love from, do not even realize we are doing so.
This behavior is rooted in a lack
of self-love. You do not love yourself enough to be true to yourself. When you
turn your attention away from seeking acceptance from others, and begin to
accept and love yourself, your life will change to one more in-line with the
truth of who you are.
When you throw yourself under the
bus for others, you are changing who you are to please them. If you do not receive
their approval, you change even more as a way of trying a new approach, believing that a different persona will gain the approval, and love you are
looking for.
That could be an endless cycle. How
do we begin to gain our own approval, and experience our self-love?
This change begins with the
thoughts you think about yourself. Any negative thought, word, or action not
founded in love is a thought, word, or action that should be cleansed from your
consciousness. All words and actions, begin with thoughts, any thought that
does not have a foundation of love is a negative thought, that serves no useful
purpose.
To become aware of your true
self-love, listen to the words you say to yourself, if they are not loving
recognize that these words form your opinion of yourself. It is from these
opinions you create an image of who you think you are. When you begin to experience
the powerful love within yourself, you will no longer need the acceptance of
others to validate your life experience.
~~~
I work everyday at keeping myself
out from under the bus. What about you? Can you learn to love yourself enough
so you do not have to sacrifice any part of who you are?
Let me know what you think. Leave a
comment, or question below, or email me at paulhudonauthor@gmail.com I’m
always open to exploring the conversation further.
If you follow my blog, Google has
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Each week I email a newsletter/article
to those who have subscribed to my weekly. This week I wrote about our emotional
stumbling blocks. Here is an excerpt.
One of the challenges we face when we fall off the wagon is to not continue to abuse ourselves for taking the fall. It wasn’t until later in my life where I learned that everyone is doing the best they can, even me. At first I doubted this belief, but in time I came to understand the truth it holds.
If you are interested in reading
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I’m grateful to write a monthly column
for two online magazines. This month in New Spirit Journal you can find my
article, “To Love Fully.”
http://www.newspiritjournalonline.com/to-love-fully/
While in Conscious Shift Magazine
you can find my article, “Where Are You Headed?”
https://consciousshiftcommunity.com/where-are-you-headed/
Check out these great resources for
guidance, wisdom and inspiration.
If you are interested in purchasing
a copy of my book, “Your Inner Guidance, The Path to Discovering Your True
Happiness” either as an eBook or paperback here is the link.
I hope you and those you love are
safe and healthy. Thank you for being a part of this wonderful adventure called
life, I appreciate your support.
Peace and well-being, Paul
Copyright Paul Hudon 2021
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