How often do we look outside of ourselves for validation? Is it because we think if others approve of us, we will have value? That must be the reason, otherwise why put ourselves through that.
Do we seek the acceptance of others when it comes to the choices we make? We know what is of value to us, and we may know what makes us truly happy, yet we still seek a positive opinion from others as a way to justify our choices. But if our happiness and self-worth balance on their approval, will it always work out the way we hoped? At some point, their approval of us will fall short. Then what about our need for validation from others?
The thing about this line of thinking is we are seeking approval, from those who are seeking approval, from those who are seeking the approval of others. This circle may never end, yet to step away from this cycle, we must begin to approve of ourselves. When we think we are not good enough, it is because we have been taught and we oftentimes believe, we are not good enough. Why do we accept this? To challenge this line of thinking is a courageous act.
Do we have the courage to stop a self-inflicted negative thought in its tracks? Can we look at the thought for what it is, just a group of words that have no impact on our lives until we accept the thought as the truth? To challenge a thought, is to realize we are not the thought, even though we created the thought, we can also disregard the thought. Yet it seems easier to create a negative thought than it does to challenge it, or find the reasons behind the thought.
If I repeat the belief that I am not good enough, I may begin to believe it. The power of this thought may cause me to find more reasons to recognize my imperfections, and more reasons to seek positive validation as a way to boost my self-esteem. If I do not receive the acceptance I’m seeking, a downward spiral can quickly gain strength. Will I realize it all began with a belief I created in my mind, and then added energy to it by my desire for validation from others?
Seeking the approval of others works the same way. If we continue to look for outside validation, and we do not receive this acceptance, we tell ourselves we are unworthy of their validation. It is here where we have a choice, begin the downward tailspin, or stop the cycle by looking within ourselves for our own approval. This is where we begin to love ourselves without the need for outside validation.
Self-love begins with learning to love ourselves, we must silence our negative thoughts, before we can hear the loving voice of our true selves. As we learn to challenge a thought, or question a negative belief, we are on the way to experiencing the joy of our own validation, and our own self-love.
Think of how life would be if we walked through life loving ourselves, with less need for others to bolster our esteem, and no desire to sacrifice ourselves for others as a way to gain validation. We love ourselves no matter how others behave toward us. We love ourselves, faults and all. The bumps and bruises that happen along the road of life, now become badges of honor. We see ourselves as survivors, not victims.
All these changes begin when we recognize a negative, self-defeating thought before it gains strength, and we silence it with our powerful self-love. The validation we seek from others is within us. It is here we will discover the truth of who we are, and we will walk tall and strong through the challenges of our lives because we love and approve of ourselves, without the need for outside validation.
Do we seek outside validation as a measure of our self-worth? Why do we need this validation when our own self-love is validation enough?
Let me know what you think. Leave me a comment or question below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I’m always open to exploring the subject further.
Each week I email an article to those who have subscribed to my weekly. This week I wrote about living a life with authentic meaning. Here is an excerpt.
How often do we use our sacrifice as the measuring stick of our love for others? Our thinking may be, “I sacrificed this much for you, so I love you this much.” Then there is an expectation of love returned as a reward for our sacrifice. If none is given it is here we become angry.
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Peace and well-being, Paul
Copyright Paul Hudon 2021