When I was a young carpenter it seemed I had to prove myself all the time. I felt I had to prove myself to the lead carpenter, the contractor, as well as the other people on the job. It was tiring and draining. Why couldn’t I just do my job and let the work speak for itself?
As I went through life I learned that no matter what we are doing we are always trying to prove ourselves. What would happen if instead of focusing on proving ourselves, we were just ourselves? Doing our best, learning from our mistakes, and asking for help if needed. Rather than put up the façade of having it all together, we just showed the world who we are.
It’s interesting to step back and examine the way we behave when we are trying to be liked by others. We do and say all kinds of things as a way of proving our worth, or how important we are, even bragging about what we can do, or have accomplished. It’s as if what we have done in life validates our self-worth.
Throughout my career as a carpenter, I have cut many boards wrong, and made countless mistakes. Yet all this proves is that I’m human, I can get distracted and lose focus. But these mistakes never effected my self-worth. Although mistakes can be disheartening, they can also be seen as opportunities for positive growth. In a way I became a better carpenter by making mistakes.
Proving ourselves to others can be a dangerous way to live, if they don’t accept us, we are heartbroken. Yet if they do accept us, we feel we constantly have to prove ourselves to maintain our worth. Either way we are caught in a trap of proving ourselves as a way to gain acceptance.
What would happen if we began to live by the authenticity of our true self? Meaning, being honest with who we are, and then not having to prove ourselves to anyone. It is here in this authentic way of life where we begin to understand our self-love. This powerful source of love, loves us just the way we are. We do not have to prove ourselves to anyone, let alone ourselves, because we love ourselves no matter what is happening in our life.
Many times we spend more time proving ourselves than we do improving ourselves. We are so focused on being accepted by those around us, we don’t have the time or energy to see what areas of our life would benefit from improvement. What if we were to look within ourselves and uncover the reasons we constantly need to prove ourselves to those whose validation we seek?
We can be our own worst critic, and our negative self-talk doesn’t help. What if we began to accept that we are doing the best we can at any given moment in life? This acceptance would disarm our self-judgement and welcome in our self-love. Do we love ourselves enough to accept ourselves just the way we are, without having to prove ourselves to anyone?
As we begin to love ourselves for who we truly are, we begin to live a happier life because we know that whatever happens, we love ourselves. Once we arrive at this powerful place of self-love, we will not need the validation of others as a way to prove our worth. Our self-worth will have a solid foundation of love.
Proving ourselves can be a double-edged sword, on one hand we have to prove ourselves to a new employer, or a new partner. But if we have to prove ourselves as a way to boost our self-esteem, we distance ourselves from our true self-love. As we gain confidence in our ability to love ourselves and be true to ourselves, all the proof people will need will be to look at how we live our life. Our behavior will be all the proof they need.
Is it possible to set aside our need to prove ourselves and just be true to ourselves?
Let me know what you think, I’m always open to exploring the subject further. Leave a question or comment below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Each week I email an article to those who have subscribed to my weekly. This week I asked the question, “What would love do?” Here is an excerpt.
If we ask ourselves, ”What would love do?” before we make a choice, would we make better choices? Imagine right as we are about to berate someone we ask, “What would love do?” Would we behave differently? Is it possible we might be more kind and compassionate?
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I’m fortunate to write a monthly column for two online magazines. In Conscious Shift Magazine you can find my article, “All The Difference”
This month in New Spirit Journal you’ll find my article titled, “Opportunity.”
It is with much appreciation I have to thank the Publisher of New Spirit Journal, Krysta Gibson for giving me the opportunity to write for such an inspiring magazine. Krysta has been publishing in one form or another for over thirty-five years, and has decided to take a break and see what new opportunities life has to offer. I wish her and those she loves, the best in the years ahead. Thank you Krysta, for sharing the wisdom of my inner voice.
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Peace and Well-Being
Copyright Paul Hudon 2021