Stop Self-Judgement
Every once in a while, that nagging voice of negative self-talk tells me I’m not doing enough, I could be doing more to promote my book, I could be querying more magazines with my articles, I could… I could… blah, blah, blah! At the end of this conversation I feel really bad about myself, causing me to begin to believe this line of thinking.
To counteract this, I decided to make a list of all the things I am doing. About half way through the list I realized I’m doing plenty, and don’t need to judge myself as not doing enough. This isn’t about finding better ways to use my time, there’s a lot of that information elsewhere. This is about having the courage to stop using the unrealistic standards of others as a way to gauge our self-worth.
When I tell myself, I could be doing more, I am judging myself as not being good enough, I don’t measure up, or I’ll be left in the dust if I don’t get my act together. What this thought process really means is I don’t love myself enough to be happy with the way I am handling my life.
When we say we should be doing better, what we are really saying is we are not good enough. Not good enough for who? Some person a thousand miles away we follow on social media, telling us how we should live? Who cares what that person thinks, all that matters is what we think of ourselves.
By judging myself as not doing enough, or not being good enough, I was more focused on the negatives of my life than I was on the positives. Once I made a list of what I am doing, I instantly became pleased with what I am doing. There was no longer a need to judge myself as being inadequate. I can love myself just the way I am.
It may be hard to see this negative behavior as not loving ourselves. Yet if our self-love was at the forefront of our thoughts, we would never doubt ourselves, and our negative self-talk would be silenced. Our self-love would remind us that we are doing the best we can no matter what we have, or have not accomplished in life.
One of the things to remember when the negative chatter begins, is that success does not flow in a straight line. If we were to climb a mountain we place one foot in front of the other. After a series of steps we reach the summit. Although we may think we walked a straight line from the bottom to the top, we will notice the trail wanders all over the place.
Life is the same way. Even though we believe our success will be accomplished by walking a straight line, life has other plans. We may meet someone who will guide us in a direction we hadn’t thought of. We may walk to the edge of a cliff and realize that this is not for us, and change course. Yet in the long run we may notice these diversions benefitted us in more ways than we may ever know.
Whatever the reason, life always has an alternative route for us, a route we may miss if we keep our eyes focused on trying to measure up to an unreachable standard. But to take advantage of these different routes we must be willing to silence the chatter that tells us we are not doing enough.
This is where our self-love comes into play. If we were to follow the guidance rooted in self-love, we would never feel inadequate. We would know we are doing enough just by doing it, we wouldn’t doubt or second guess ourselves. We surely wouldn’t use the unrealistic standards of others as a measure of our worth and self-value.
As I look at my list, I’m grateful for all the exciting things I’m doing. Although I didn’t put meditating, playing with the puppy, or taking a morning walk with my wife on the list, these things are equally important for a successful life.
We can’t gauge the success of our lives by what we cross off a list, because the list is never ending. But we can gauge our lives by the love we have for ourselves and others, no matter what we have accomplished, even if it is not on the list.
~~~
Why do we judge ourselves as not doing enough? Can’t we just accept that we are doing the best we can?
Let me know what you think, I’m always open to exploring the subject further. Leave a comment below, or email me at paulhudonauthor@gmail.com. I’d enjoy hearing from you.
I’m excited to announce my book, “A Complete Life, Discovering Your Authentic Self”, will be available as a paperback or eBook, on Friday May 6th. Here is the link, https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Life-Discovering-Your-Authentic/dp/0999596063/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1651257805&sr=1-1
If you would like to receive an autographed copy, let me know, and we can work out the details.
To buy a copy of my book, “Your Inner Guidance, The Path to Discovering Your True Happiness,” and you live in my area, you can buy it at Salida Books in Salida, or The Book Nook in Buena Vista. Or reach out to me, I’ll even sign it for you.
Or, you can also buy it through Amazon, as an eBook or paperback, by clicking on the link. Please feel free to leave a review.
Each week I email an article to those who have subscribed to my weekly newsletter. This week I wrote about the narratives we accept in our life. Here is an excerpt.
Why is it, we allow our stories to define us in such a way? The ones that drive us each and every day to success are easy to understand, although they may have an element of fear hidden within them. It’s the narratives that keep us from seeing how far we can go that are in need of questioning.
If you would like to receive these weekly articles, scroll to the very bottom of the page where you will find a place to subscribe. Or email me at paulhudonauthor@gmail.com, and I’ll add your m]name to the list.
I’m fortunate to write a monthly column for Conscious Shift Magazine. This month you can find my article, “Planting Seeds”. Click the link to read more.
https://consciousshiftcommunity.com/planting-seeds/
Check out Conscious Shift Magazine as a great resource for guidance and inspiration.
I recently had a wonderful conversation and a few laughs, with Brett Wilson of Mountain Zen Den, www.mountainzenden.com. We talked about the importance of an intuitive feeling, and how journaling helped me discover my inner voice. Below is the link to our conversation.
Brett and his wife Melissa, use nature as a way to help people on their journey for personal growth, and self-development. Check out their website and podcasts for inspiration.
https://www.mountainzenden.com/?p=2010&preview=true&_thumbnail_id=2013
If you would like to follow me on social media, click on the link to find your favorite platform.
Thank you for reading this post, and being a part of this wonderful adventure called life. I appreciate your support.
Peace and Well-Being, Paul
Copyright Paul Hudon 2022
Comments
Post a Comment