It is said we will experience the same types of situations until we learn the needed lessons. This may seem crazy, but how often do the same kinds of people keep reappearing in our life? Or, different events playing out the same way?
At first we may think we’re just jinxed, and we have bad luck choosing our friends or jobs. What if we were to take a step back with the intention of searching for the messages these experiences were trying to teach us? Are we brave enough to take an honest look and discover the lesson, no matter how painful it may be for us?
I remember when I connected the dots and realized the root cause of an unhealthy emotional pattern I had. I wanted to be accepted by others so badly, I was willing to throw myself under the bus for them. I’d put up with all kinds of negativity, with the hope that at some point I would feel their approval.
If I didn’t get the emotional boost I was seeking, I would go even further, hoping that this would be it. The entire time I behaved this way I became more and more angry with myself. Why wasn’t I speaking up for myself, and expressing my feelings?
The answer is because at some level I believed there was a possibility for them to see me for who I was, thereby showing me the acceptance I had long sought. When this didn’t happen, I would leave the relationship, sometimes quietly, other times, well, not my best moments.
Then came the day I was reviewing these failed relationships and how they ended. I realized I had not spoken up for myself, and that was my repeating pattern. No one in these relationships knew how I was feeling.
This was a shock to me, but an important lesson. But the lessons didn’t end there. I began to understand that I didn’t love myself enough to express myself in a way that others could understand. I didn’t express myself at all.
I have since learned I didn’t love myself enough to stand up for myself. I was lacking in my own self-love. I would do just about anything so I could feel as if I was worthy of someone else’s acceptance.
Once I arrived at this place of clarity, I could recognize the repeating patterns that had controlled my life, while making me miserable. I needed to learn to love myself more, accept my own acceptance, and stop sacrificing the truth of who I am just to please others.
It’s not easy looking into the mirror that is always reflecting back to us our unhealthy patterns. Although if we love ourselves enough we will realize that a few moments of self-reflection can free us from a lifetime of unhealthy behavioral patterns.
By choosing to look within, we are willing to heal from our unhealthy behavior, yet we are also going to find the self-love at the core of our being. By loving ourselves enough we will not have to behave in a way that degrades us, or places our emotional needs aside for the approval of others. We love ourselves enough so no matter what others say or do, we will be just fine.
When I understood the cause of my behavior, I could notice it returning when I met someone new. I wanted them to like me ,so I would fall into the old pattern. Yet I recognized the pattern before I ever said a word or took any action. This awareness kept me from going through all that heavy emotional baggage when we choose to seek the approval of others before we look within ourselves for our own self-love.
It may be a challenge to review our behavior. Yet if we become aware of similar situations that don’t work out well for us, it may be worth examining the experiences to see if we have fallen into repeating behavioral patterns. If so, we can learn the lessons needed to move forward in a positive, self-loving direction.
Do we have the courage to evaluate our behavior to recognize if we have been repeating unhealthy patterns?
Let me know what you think. Leave a question or comment below. I’m always open to exploring the subject further.
Each week I email an article to those who have subscribed to my weekly. This week I wrote about love. Here is an excerpt.
What if our true purpose in life is to return to a place of authentic, unconditional love? Not a love reserved for those who love us, but a love for everyone no matter how toxic they appear. Don’t the people who cause harm to others need love?
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In the December issue of Conscious Shift Magazine you will find my article, “Why Is It?
Why is it we ask the world to change to please us, yet we refuse to change ourselves? Click the link to read more.
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I would like to thank you for reading this article and being a part of this wonderful adventure called life. I appreciate your support.
Peace and Well-Being, Paul
Copyright Paul Hudon 2022