I’m always surprised at how destructive attaching our happiness to the behavior of others can be. In asking them to behave in a way that pleases us, we are giving them control of our emotional well-being.
We may believe we have self-control, but do we? One way to prove this, would be to examine our reactions when we focus on the behavior of those around us. Do their actions cause us to get upset. If they do, then we have little self-control. This may seem harsh, but there is no other way to put it.
The most toxic person you can think of is just being themselves. They know no other way of behaving. If their behavior bothers us, then they control us. They could be a thousand miles away, yet they control us emotionally by their actions. If we get upset, it’s our own fault.
When we ask others to behave in a way that pleases us, we are asking them to accomplish the impossible. No person will always behave in a way that will constantly please us. If we were to look at our own behavior, we may not even please ourselves.
If we realize we have no self-control when others upset us, we must ask ourselves why? Why do we try to control the behavior of those around us? Could it be we feel our life is out of control, and by controlling others we gain some level of comfort?
The root of our behavior is asking others to act in a way that makes us happy. Basically we are asking others to make us happy, when they don’t we get upset. Do we act this way because we are not happy within ourselves?
One powerful truth I have learned along my spiritual journey is our happiness is our responsibility. Not that of those in our life. When we get upset we have forgotten our responsibility toward ourselves.
This can be a challenging subject to grasp, because we don’t want to admit that we have attached our well-being to the behavior of others. If we were to take an honest look at our emotions, would they resemble a rollercoaster ride, with steep ups and downs, sharp turns and sudden stops? Or would our emotions be smooth and steady with gentle ups and downs but nothing that would be considered a rollercoaster.
Attaching our happiness to the actions of others is not healthy for us physically, nor is it good for us emotionally. By separating ourselves from the behavior of others we will begin to experience more feelings of calm and inner peace. We regain a stable emotional life when we detach ourselves from the actions of others.
How do we detach ourselves? By accepting that everyone is doing the best they can. When we judge them, it’s because our judgement makes us feel better about ourselves. Judging others is asking them to be someone they are not. If they were someone different, they still may not please us.
This may seem like a vicious cycle, yet it is a cycle we can control by letting people be who they are, then accepting responsibility for our own happiness and peace of mind.
Is it possible to stop the emotional rollercoaster by accepting responsibility for our emotional well-being?
Let me know what you think, leave a question or comment below, I’m always open to exploring the subject further.
Each week I email an article to those who have subscribed to my weekly. This week I wrote about being honest with ourselves when it comes to our behavior. Here is an excerpt.
Honesty can be a bit tricky because it often involves self-examination. Even on a good day, self-examination may cause us to look the other way. Yet does this behavior improve the quality of our life? If our intention is to live to the fullness of who we are, we must be honest with ourselves, no matter how uncomfortable this makes us feel.
To receive my weekly, scroll to the very bottom of the page where you will find a place to subscribe.
Recently I was a guess on a podcast hosted by Travis Gray. Travis is working on his PhD in transpersonal psychology. We had an engaging conversation talking about how we are taught to change who we are as a way to please others, as well as loving ourselves enough to trust our intuition.
If you are interested in watching the YouTube video, click on the link.
If you would like to listen to the podcast on Spotify check out, Gray Transforms.
In the March issue of Conscious Shift Magazine you will find my article, “Wish List”
Do we realize our thoughts create our world?
Click the link to read more.
Check out Conscious Shift Magazine, a great resource for guidance and inspiration.
To follow me on social media, click on the link to find your favorite platform.
I would like to thank you for joining me on this wonderful adventure called life.
Peace and Well-Being, Paul
Copyright Paul Hudon 2023